Unrelated to training today, I want to know if it's just me, or does everyone notice how lately we've all become totally numb in the brain when it comes to conversation?
I see and talk to a lot of people everyday. Both in person, on the phone and by email.
And lately I've noticed (and I'm guilty of it myself) that when we talk to others in person it's alway just "filler". We seem to feel the need to fill silence with bullshit. Of course if there is purpose in the conversation, things are often different.
I really don't have an answer to the problem.
I'm going to try and not use "filler". If I've got absolutely nothing of purpose to say, I will say nothing.
So if you run into me in the future and I just stare at you blankly instead of making some annoying comment about how cold it is, how much the snow sucks, or whatever, just remember this post and try not to hate me.
When I was back in high school I read a book about Ninja. Not some gay teenage story but a real document about the ideals and methods that are practiced by Ninjas. It was interesting and not very applicable in today's society but one part that clearly stands out in my mind was a paragraph about how to communicate orally. It was something along the lines of; if you have nothing of importance to say, don't say anything, if you are not asked a question, don't take it upon yourself to share info with others as they are most likely not be interested, and be very mindful of what you share with others when asked.
I feel these are some very good points and very applicable in today's society. Now of course you may be thinking "why in hell is blabbering on this blog about his opinions that I'm not interested in?" And my answer is that I doubt anyone is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read my blog.
I hope this post has got you thinking. I'd love to hear what you think about this subject. (this is me asking, so it's okay to comment or email me) and I think that given the type of blog this is, you can speak pretty freely. I would.
Here's another great video
2 comments:
It's not necessarily human nature, but it is how we have been socialized in the western world. If you have ever spoken to anyone of recent eastern european descent, you'll notice that they don't waste time on small talk. If you watch them in a group, it almost looks like they are arguing, but they are not. They are just very blunt, to the point and don't need bullshit small talk to feel comfortable around each other. Communication serves a purpose, and that's it.
Paul,
When I was in my early twenties I supported my university habit by working as a security officer. My job was to drive around and visit each guard that worked for the company and respond to alarms. I soon learned that security guards are the loneliest people on the planet, and that they are willing to have long rambling conversations about nothing. It wasn’t long before I dreamed of smashing their faces or ripping off their noses with their staple removers. (All security sites have staple removers. Otherwise, how could things be secure?)
I was also very interested in eastern philosophy and the Buddhist concept of Right Speak, which is basically the Ninja concept you referred to. I decided that before speaking I would carefully consider what I was being asked and answer it as honestly and helpfully as I could. At first this was very complicated.
How are you?
- I am having a very uncomfortable day because my excrement is runny and it really burns.
- I am extremely horny. I am having difficulty not staring at your breasts and I cannot wait until I get home so I can masturbate.
- I am uncomfortable because I really hate talking to you but I have to because it is part of my job.
Boy! It sure is raining isn’t it? You are soaked.
- Yes. It is raining. I am soaked.
What I began to realize is that people ask questions all the time that they really do not want you to answer. In fact, they would much rather you remained silent so that they can keep talking. I also realized that I tend to do this as well.
I have no answers to this, but I think the solution involves being a good listener, not interrupting someone, and trying to focus on what is being said instead of considering a reply while the talker is still talking.
Paul, you should consider getting away from your job for a while before you smash someone with a dumbbell when they ask you when you are moving into the new gym. Your charisma attracts people to you. It is a compliment. But it doesn’t take rocket appliances to see that you need time be alone to center yourself.
I enjoy your blog.
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