Cheatin'

After 11 weeks of dieting (which I didn't find too tough to start with) I was instructed by Shelby to add a cheat meal once per week.

This is not a bad thing at all. It did however take mere seconds to decide what my first cheat meal would be. Sarah and I have spent countless conversations discussing our cheat meal options since about the second or third week.

So this past Saturday was the chosen day. The plan was to finish the Turtle cheesecake that Sarah had started on her cheat meal, pound back a small pizza lover's pizza from Zio's (A great pizzaria in Renfrew), demolish some tacos and burritos from Taco Smell, clean up a chocolate cake from the local bakery and wash it all down with some milk.

The only catch with the cheat meal is that is has to be the last meal of the day.

Here's how it all went down.

On my way back from Ottawa with the taco bell, I was a little behind on my regular meals. I shoveled in the last bowl of cold rice and chicken breast as we stopped for gas in Kanata.
When I arrived at home and laid out all my goodies, it had only been about an hour since I finished the last bowl of cold sawdust (it's actually not bad at all but pales in comparison to tacos and cake)
I tried to stall but Sarah was on my case about eating my cheats in front of her. (When I checked I didn't have her tied to the kitchen table. WTF?)

So I put on some fat pants and got ready for action.

Now, I've been around the block a few times when it comes to eating, I've even held a few buffet titles and impressed many a waitress with my eating prowess. So I knew that to get it all in I would need the proper aproach.

The pizza was still piping hot, so I microwaved the tacos and got the cakes laid out on the table. The trick to pushing back large amounts on an already half full tank is to get it all swallowed in 20 mins or less.

The stage was set. I started with a beef supreme taco. I flew through 2 slices of pizza and then hit a chicken supreme burrito. Trouble reared it head early. I could feel the wall coming faster than I had expected. So I did what any respectable eater would do. I put the third burrito on ice and sucked back another slice of pizza. I couldn't miss out on those delicious cakes.
The turtle cheesecake went down well. 11 weeks had caused me to forget the sharp power of super dense cake and caramel sauce. I was hoping to wipe the earth of the second cake but it was not as delicious as I expected and the class 4 sweat started to pool on my brow. I made a pretty good dent in the bakery cake but stopped near the half way mark to suck back some milk and hopefully complete the pizza.
It wasn't to be. I had made a rookie mistake. I had left the milk on the counter. This required me to get up from my eating station and thus lose my flow. I got most of the milk down but the train wreck occured on my way back to the pizza and cake.
My stomach was topped out. I had only put in a solid 15 minutes but that was all I could take.

I shamefully threw in the towel while Sarah made fun of my weak attempt. I headed for the couch with a great deal of bloated pain in my abdomen. Soon the sugar induced insulin coma took me and I was snorring away on the couch.

I have another shot coming up this friday.

I promise to not let anyone or anything stop me next time.
(The victim this Friday will be bacon and tomato sandwhiches. I will attempt to eat 1 pound of bacon with as many tomatos and toast slices as it takes. And yes I will be laying the mayo on thick.)